Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
