What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You need a sexual gate keeper
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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