Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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