That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
