At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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