did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
