I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
