I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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