I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
