You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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