You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
