I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
