her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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