he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
