Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
