What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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