I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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