Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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