Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
