like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
