true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
