I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize