Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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