i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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