Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
id be glad to
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
