Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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