Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
