party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
