I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
