U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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