dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
