I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize