Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
