she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
