you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
