really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
