drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
