how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
