I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
