sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
