you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A bitchslap is in order.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
