Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize