Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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