my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
