i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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