My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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