Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
