these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize