I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
