I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
