Kiss
Puke
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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