Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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