now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
