Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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