I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
