It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize