I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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