Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
