Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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