like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
