In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
