Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
