We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
