tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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