I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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