Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize