Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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