What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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