she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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