She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
