It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
