please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
