but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
