Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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