Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Go christen that room with your naked body.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
