Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
