There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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