Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
