I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
