Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
