She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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