Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
