I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
