I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
