we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize