it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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