As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
