It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
