You really coming over, don't trick.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's blow job season.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize