i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
