She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm really busy with my period
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