My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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